Dream works ...

So i woke up this morning completely freaked. I had the most unusual dream.
It started out with me in a classroom with some other students. It begins to rain outside. Then in starts to pour. Heavy rains and the beginning of flood waters. The waters begin to rise and i notice that the building we are in is starting to sway. I begin to freak but dont really say anything, i just wait to see what the other students are doing. The building begins to collapse and i run out. Just as i step out of the building i am now running up steps. I get through the steps and unharmed by the rain. I run into another building just in time to notice that the other students are now following me. The waters are now up to the tops of the steps and the rain is falling harder. Just as some of the other students enter the new building, they are screaming that GOD is punishing us. God is mad. I look out side and the steps are now starting to sway as well. The students that have already made it in are now in a panic... i take a closer look and point to one of the guys and say .. "no its not GOD... he is saving us" "what", he says.
"Look at the steps ... they are clear .. the water is on the side of them..,. God is keeping the water from flooding us. God is not mad!!!"
oddly enough in my dream .. the waters were up to the steps but not covering them. Everyone was able to get across without harm.
So i walk inside, and am now in my old childhood home. I am standing there waiting when i notice two rats now sitting in the middle of the dining room staring at me.
I begin to freak out. (in my dream) so i run into the living room and one of the rats follows me.
I jump onto the couch just in time to notice the rat has also jumped on to me. He bites into my fingers and i cant get him off. I am standing there screaming .. "help me there is a rat biting me and he wont let go!!!" "Help me!!!"
then i woke up!

Sentimental ...

LIKE A WHORE. haha .. i just thought that was a funny quote

So this weekend is another girls night out. Night in?? going to party at a friends house .. no boys allowed. At least not till we are all drunk and have had our fun with each other. Or so the invite tells me. K called me up .. "are you cumming saturday??" "cumming?? well i didnt know that was an offer but i suppose it depends on how talented your hands are." she says, "well we will just see... plus steph wanted to make sure that you are there"
Woohoo .. steph .. i lust steph. She is a cutie ..
So saturday night we are gonna play some games. One game 'what would you do for a dollar?'
Yea .. thats the name of a game. Everyone throws some ideas into a bowl
Would you suck on my fingers?
Would you lick my thigh?
Would you kiss my stomach?
Would you massage my breast?
all for a dollar (fake dollars).. through out the night the bowl gets passes around and people take turns pulling a piece of paper out of the bowl .. if the answer is yes, then you perform the task on the person who wrote out the suggestion.
Who ever ends up with the most money at the end of the night wins!!!
I cant wait ..

Fuckin SHIT!!!!

Actual feces ... human fuckin feces .. i cant believe it.
So this morning i get a call from A. "Hello? you just left here."
A: "you'll never fuckin believe what i found in my car:
Me: "what?" "Im sleeping... can it wait?"
A: "Someone wiped shit on my car"
Me: "Someone swiped shit from your car?? what did they steel?"
A: "No ...dammit ... someone wiped shit ... SHIT ... actual fucking human shit all over my fuckin car!!"
Me: "Stop yelling .. what .. shit .. human shit ??? "
then i sit up .. yea im awake .. "What?? on the outside .. or what?"
A: "No .. someone got into my car .. took a fuckin plastic bag .. grabbed their shit and wiped it all over the passenger seat of my fuckin car."
Me: "gross!" "what?" "no seriously?"
He noticed it when he got in .. didnt think i could handle it .. and he was ready to kill someone .It was his sooped up 66 belair. Its his baby .. he drove away .. and luckly had seat covers so it was just a matter of throwing them away. And getting a full detail job to clean up what ever may have seeped through. But how crazy .. no .. how insane does a person have to be to do a thing like that? INSANE!!! human feces
Why'z it alwayz gotta be about SHIT!!!!
I've been up since 630 .. its now 1130 and i am just getting home.. damn i hope tomorrow is a better day.

To the gods .....

I inhale. The smoke filled my lungs. Theres a burning in my throat.
"Cheap shit", I joked. I passed the joint. He smiled. We laugh.
I lean my head back. Close my eyes. The scent fills the room. I feel the joint upon my lips.
Inhale. My thoughts now swimming, no drowning in my head. Exhale.
I sink into the couch. He smiled. We laugh.
Another hit. Inhale.
I look at the clock, the display is racing off the wall.
Time to head for bed. The room is now spinning.
Seems literal.
Inhale. Am I standing? He smiled. We laugh.
I concentrate on my steps. My feet follow me. The floor is beneath me .. i cant feel a thing.
So simple. He smiled. We laugh.
I fall into the mattress. Inhale.
I can no longer lift my arms. He smiled. We laugh.
"What the hell was in that shit?" He smiled. We laugh.
I hear the echo.
"What the hell was in that shit?"
"What the hell was in that shit?"
"What the hell is in that shit?"
He laughs.
Exhale.
And Im out.

Davinci Code

Saw it. It was good. I think i now need to to read the book. There was so much to think about when deciding to watch it. Ive watch the shows on the history channel and there is even a class offered at my church discussing the truth about the davinci code. And why its bogus. I like the movie .. i thought there was going to be more to it. It looks like a movie. A mystery at best. Not the mystery of whether its true, but more of who done it. Who is behind the scam. It was a movie.
Oh well.... I will look for the book to read.
this weekend has been pretty slow. Not much more going on. Bhung out with A and then he decided to go fishing.
so i stayed behind to watch some movies. I feel so lazy this weekend.

Game night ..

15 games in 10 minutes .. now thats a record .. Okay so the other team didnt show and it gave us an automatic 15 games. But we'll take it!
Im sitting at the bar and got hit on .. by a chic .. blond and old.. at least she was warn. It wasnt nice. She was staring at me the whole time i was there. Ive seen her there before and she has even felt me up a time or two. Always claiming to be checking out my shirt .. as she grabs my breast. All i have ever done is take a stand back and look at her as if she was crazy. I knew she was at least drunk. So tonight, she stares at me for about 2 hours and then comes to introduce herself to my teammates. I looked away while she spoke but she made it a point to come to me and talk to me about her nothing life. I didnt care much........... and i thought it showed. She continued to bore me with her unlived life. She is a housewife. Her children are grown, the bar is all she has left when her husband is away. she talked and talked .. all about nothing. I get up to leave, she wants to buy me a drink. i told her i wasnt drinking tonight and was on my way out. She asked to give me a ride... i shook my keys in her face and said no thanks. She tried to walk me out... i slipped away while she went to the bar. Was that mean?
It wasnt her that made me leave .. it was G ..................the most ignorant person i have met while playing on thursdays. The first time i met him .. two season ago, he made a joke about date raping his team mates. I didnt find the humor and told him so. He was shocked that someone had ever stood up to him. I left him speechless and i finished my 5 minute speech on how rape was not a joke and i didnt find the reason for it to be used as one. He said he was sorry and looked at his shocked teammates also staring at me in amazement. i thought the night had been forgotten. It wasnt all that serious .. i made my stand on rape clear .. it wasnt a joke. The end. So i thought ... the next time we played against each other he brought it up again, claiming that he didnt realize people were so serious .. About rape i asked him? yea some people find that rape is a serious issue in america and because of the humor others see in it, it will always be a problem. he told the story to all the people that were not present for it .. the night was over .. and i thought the topic was finished.. until we met again ..
Its been at least 8 months since then and every time i see him, he brings it up. My stand remains. I dont find humor in rape nor do i believe it should be the butt of any jokes. Again tonight he told the story to all who havent heard it. And even to those that were there. He claims that he cant believe i stood up to him. I told him that i did ... and to know that i havent backed down yet .. nor will i no matter how many times he talks about it. When will it be over. The worst part? he makes himself seem like an idiot .. and i find him even more offensive now than before. For every word he says, i find something equally disturbing as the rape joke. tonight it was about homesexuals and how he would kill his son if he turned gay. Ignorance. Pure ignorance. I wanted to tell him to shut up .. but i was too tired.. so i came home.
Nothing going on to hold my interst anyhow. So off to bed and work in the am.
we are now officially in the playoffs.

My attempt ...

To Poetry ..

Just a whole lot of whirlin and twirlin and spinnin
All around. The chaos...there is no sound.
But there is yellin and howlin and screamin
Echoing within
Lost in the chaos.
None is heard but its makin me dizzy
As it is spinnin and whizzin and passin
through the chaos. Its in my head
and its tickin and thumpin..... Or is it poundin
Out the chaos. Tryin to escape the feelin
of being dizzy.
Is it a feelin or am I touchin or sensin or believin
in the chaos, a perception of reality,
Surroundin me. With all the whirlin and twirlin and spinnin
Makin me dizzy. In my chaos.

Ahhhhhhhhhh ....

margaritas and Mexico .. what a concept.
mothers day began at 530 am .. only 3 hours after going to bed. Went out drinking with some friends on saturday and had way to much to drink so 3 hours just wasnt enough. But I grabbed the gift i bought mom and headed out the door, i noticed that i hadnt wrapped it ..but there was nothing i could do. i knew if i gave it to her and not mention it she would just say .. "Why didnt you wrap it?" so .. i handed it to her .. said .. "sorry didnt find the perfect wrapping paper ..." she says .. "why didnt you just hand it to me and say happy mothers day?" I never win with her. So off to mexico we went. Along with mom and me .. my brother, his fiance and her parents. Got to mexico and grabbed a margarita... nice way to start the day. (well it was after noon when we finally made it across). So I'm drinking and shopping .. more drinking than shopping . $2 margaritas on every corner and half way in between each corner.
then after a few I realized if i am to be able to walk back to the car i really should stop drinking... or at least eat something which i hadnt done yet. We decided to get back across the border before eating .. which was now 530 pm... i grabbed another margarita while walking to the car ... i think that made it 6 or 9 ... whewww... i could barely feel the floor thats when i realized that i must be drunk...(wasnt too hard to figure out ..since i was still half way drunk when i started the day) Oh well .. i made it home .. and then at 10 off to a friends to drink some more. Im done .. at least until friday .. make that Thursday ...
and Mother had a great mothers day...

Love and Lust

is the difference between spit and swallow .. at least it may lead to one hell of a stomach ache.
Odd isnt it .. the things that we talk about at work. A girl swallowed her boyfriends juice for the first time in 2 years. Story continued with her waking with a stomach ache at 3 in the morning. Swallow or not to swallow .. her boyfriend loved it .. felt that it brought them closer. Yea to the toliet in which she then spit up the left overs. Completely disgusting .. but funny as hell.
At least she didnt have to get her stomach pumped.
Work is all good again. I received an email in which i was told .. "The rabbit lives ... your not coked up .. haha ... all is clear and done... No more worries." woohoo .. i get to keep working a job that i really wouldnt have missed. I had already put in a few applications and i hope to be interviewed for one.
911 dispatch .. i think it would be great.
Im on the dating scene ..................woohoo .. DATING .. what a concept .. Not dating much .. ive had a lunch date with stu ... that was fun .. great conversation and we are now seeing where things will lead ..(I think) i suppose that schedules are difficult to work around but we have hung out a couple of times since then and have had fun. Waiting to do it again. (stu i know your reading this... so dont get offended)
Experience to remember? ... i found myself uttering the words .. "I knew you had kids .. i didnt know you meant you had your kids..." as in with him ..... on the date ... now that was intersting.
A movie date ....(stay at home movie date) ....... he is a great father .. and cute kids ... toddlers to be exact. Ive heard about the just add father insta family... even seen it being done...
I walked in .. father, kids, and a little dog ... just add me !! No second date .. at least not yet .. im still letting it all settle in.
oh well ... off to see the world.

Sunday afternoon??

and i am wiped. The last 4 days have really taken its toll. Thursday's drama turned into a 2 hour meeting with the manager. 2 hours of accusing me of being mean. Being controlling, belittling my co-worker. 2 hours of blaming me for being violent. 2 hours of offending my co-workers. 2 hours of lies. I couldnt believe it. I have never been violent in my life. Never thrown a punch .. probably dont even really know how to make a proper fist. I have never swung at any one and never had reason too. Who accused me? J ---- she has worked at my current job for about a year... started about 2 months after me.... disturbing part.. i worked with her at my last job. She followed me here. We have personality clashes.. i know it .. she should know it .. everyone knows it. We had clashes (arguements) at our last job. Seriously getting into stupid overly dramatic arguements that didnt lead to anything. I left my last job... not because of her .. though it was a plus that i would no longer have to deal with her .. but because my current job offered stable hours, and higher pay. She followed. She knew i was working there .. she knew that i was the trainer and would be training her .. she knew that i was liked at the new job... she took the position without complaint... At least no complaint until her first day working with me .. then it was an all out blow out. She accused me of belittling her .. treating her as if she was stupid .. then treating her as if she knew everything .. treating her as if she should know what she is doing and treating her as if she didnt know anything... and reported me ...
Nothing was done because it was a complete lie. She has done it more times than i can count. Nothing is ever done. NONE OF IT IS EVER TRUE. she has had blow out with everyone in the department... though you cant write up employees for having personal conflicts. Nothing gets done. Thursday .. meeting with the manager to confront each other and address the problems. Did it work ... not to me. While she cried for 2 hours, i sat and listened to her accuse me over and over of how i treat her unfairly... i dont treat her like everyone else .. i treat her like everyone else ... i speak loudly to her .. though when i address her i lower my voice .. she just wanted me to treat her like i would the queen. I have a loud voice by nature ... im loud .. in every aspect .. though because of where we work i normally dont talk much .. no one does. We are there to work ... Oddly enough she talks loud as well. She talks from the moment she clocks in to the moment she clocks out. All damn day ... i listened to her accuse me .. i am the reason she is going to need therapy .. and she claims i have always tormented her even at our last job.... ***whistle*** our last job?? .. if it was that terrible why did you follow me? its a reverse fatal SWF kind of drama. i left after two hours .. i thought that would be it .. at least for the week. I was wrong. On Friday I got called into the HR department .. apparently someone called in a complaint on me. (they gave my name) the caller claimed that they had witnessed me doing coke.... COKE???? Oh hell no .. i dont mess with that shit .. NEVER. Im a pot head .. get it straight. Big difference. i understand that i might loose my job because the pot will show up in the DNA test they did on my hair. i will accept that. But COKE??? who the hell accused me of doing coke. Not only that .. their claim was that I coke up before work. I go in at 9 am ... i would have to be really coke addicted to start before 9. Working there a year and a half .. there would have been signs. So i may loose my job. damn ... who could it be .. every sign points to J. That bitch. i will go and talk to HR tomorrow. admit to my pot use and apologize for not coming clean about it friday .. but i will not accept being accused of coke. I cant .. i dont do it ... if i did, i would come clean about that. Now i sit .. wondering where my "friends" are .. not one call asking how i was .. not one person wondering how i was holding up .. i keep thinking its not like someone called me a bitch on the play ground.... i am accused of doing coke and may loose my job .. where are my "friends"? damn ... reality sucks ... then the shocker ... what if it wasnt J. then who could it be .. if i look over my shoulder.. who am i looking for? who would betray me in such a manner? who is the pussy? please come foward and face me ... oh well ... i face my fate on monday and the unemployment line on tuesday .. woohoo ...
**I am now taking applications for a sugar daddy ... please submit your application ASAP***

Awww whatta day ....

I had jury duty for the last two days, so today was my first day back to work. 47 emails. Can't get through them all. However I had three from the girls that went out with me on Saturday. Already planning the coming weekend. They are ready for some more drinking and dancing. I suggested that we stay at home, rent movies, and get drinks, play games. We will be free to explore alittle more. I think it will be fun. K, my ex roommate is ready. She called me up and said she was hoping for a little more fun than we had saturday but will be ready to "catch up" this coming weekend if not before. I was a little sad at the thought only because i had my eye on her friend S. She was a sweet brunette that i was planning on seeing this Saturday. Even if its a party, i hope to have some alone time with her. Just to see what she is like one on one. K wont like the thought of that. But oh well.... it will all be in good "clean" fun. R is planning on releasing some built up stress... this whole experience with gfriend really took it out of him. Hasnt heard from her since .. no wait .. hasnt spoken to her since .. i believe she has tried to reach him. He just cant deal with it. He wants to get drunk with no worries at all. Im sure getting drunk with 7 chics is what is really keeping him looking foward to the weekend. Too bad all but one are just trying to hook it up with the other chics.
At work, within 10 minutes i was already tired and wanting to go home. Same bullshit drama and nothing ever gets done. It gets really old and really quick. Speaking of old... im training again. I love old people, really I do .. but only in their place. Is that rude of me? She came out of retirement .. she has to be at least late 70's. How am i suppose to talk about sex with my co-workers with her just watching me. I can't be myself .... it really sucks. They expect me to train for 3 weeks with her. Im reading cosmo about how to get the ultimate orgasm and she is just sitting quietly beside me .. i wonder what she is thinking ... (is she getting hints too ... should i let her read it?)
Really i wont make it .. i warned my supervisor that i am a little too crude to be training her .. what if i offend her? My sup didnt care .. they stuck her with me anyhow ..
Oh well ... i guess i warned them .. if i fuck up --- i fuck up ... at least i tried.

Party Got Crazy ....

Went to Friday's had a great steak. Had some drinks .. There is a drink called the Snagalicious... and it is a wonderful mix of three different vodka's (i think) that taste like a handful of lime skittles. It was good. Downed about 3 or 4 of them then headed out to Strip club. By that time the number of us had jumped from 4 to 8 only one man (R) one of the chics with us is gfriend. Started with shots and everyone got wild. Gfriend is sitting in the corner of the room watching ... I asked if she was okay and she responded, "yea im great i just threw everything up" ... "ummm... okay....." i thought that was an odd response but what ever .. i went back to drinking and having fun.. (not the crazy part) ... girls started flashing everyone .. and dancing along with the waitress and other dancers ... enjoying each other...teasing each other, flirting with each other and exchanged a few innocent kisses..................... then started up a game of motor boat................(okay its not a game .. but it sure was fun) ..........................more shots ..................(not the crazy part) Then decided to head to another bar ... on the way .. cousin is flashing on coming cars and screaming at every man driving by... (not the crazy part) gfriend is scraping her finger nails along her arms staring off into space mumbling to herself .........(the beginning of the crazy part)................................ Got to the bar .. some more shots ............................. more dancing .........................
Then i get a tap on my shoulder .................... a beautiful blond ask if she can talk to me..... i get up and notice gfriend is crying at one of the tables ... screaming that she is a bad girl ......................looking for something to hurt herself .................(this is the crazy part).....she is sitting there scraping her fingers on the table ripping through the cloth. All i could think to do is pull her out of the bar............... she is screaming that she was bad and needed to be punished... (not the flirty "spank me im a bad girl" kind either.) As i looked at her she has a glazed look in her eyes banging on the wall. Is she drunk? Only had two drinks .. i dont know at that point. Her bfriend (R) comes out and starts to talk to her ... i go inside to apologize to the blond. ... she tells me that while sitting there gfriend was flirting with her asking if she wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend .. the blond kindly turned her down .. and then as if a finger snapped gfriend started to yell and call herself a badgirl. I said i was sorry and bought her a drink for being so kind.... i walked outside R is just staring at her ... she is crying and hitting on him ... i walk over to hear the conversation .. "he raped me he raped me ..." i look at boyfriend and tell him, "make the call or I will" Me and R have both worked for a psych hospital .. we are aware of the behaviors .. we both knew she wasnt drunk... the moment the word was out of my mouth as if another finger snap she says, "No im fine .." (no more tears and she is now a good girl) "Im fine Im fine .. they cant know they cant know .." (okay i dont know who they are but they cant know) "R make the call or I will" she screamed at me and then started to swing her arms at me ... "dont take me back .. they are just going to drug me"
Me "make the call or I will"
R to gfriend... "willingly or do we have to call the cops" she went in willingly ... when she got into the car she turns to R "i told you i was crazy" me and R looked at each other a little weirded out .. i told him i would meet him there in a few minutes.
I got to the hospital along with all the other chicas and waiting for R ... when all the papers were signed we headed to IHOP to settle for the night. Found out she has been admitted before and has a family history of mental illness ... she was on meds for different treatments... She had been hospitalized for mental behaviors and was released on the agreement she would get help. (she didn't get the help .. never told R her situation) On the drive R looks at me and says "if a girl tells you she is crazy what would your thought be?" I say ... "cousin crazy .. she drinks too much and flashes all kinds of men walking down her path..........." he says "Thats what i was thinking too ... when she told me i never thought committed to a psych hospital crazy"
we both smiled and went in for breakfast.
My saturday night was "Crazy"