Its been 3 months ... maybe 3

but its been tough. Saying goodbye is one thing .. meaning it is the hard part. Ive said it and ive stuck to my guns. I know it has too be over with P. However my daughter still cries for him, he is still the father to my son. He will be around for at least the next 18 years, right? How can I start fresh when he will continue to be around and remind me of everything that hurt me so much. I want to move on, I have to move on, but everytime I see his face I am hurt all over again. It is so hard to imagine myself being able to trust again, being able to depend on someone else and give my heart again. Everytime I see P i just want to shut down and hide from even the possibily of being hurt by someone else again. I know i just couldnt handle that type of pain again. Today I found out he is once again answering ads, echanging emails pictures .. phone sex... uggh. How long has it been going on this time. Even before we called it quits. I guess we really should have been over before we ever began. It would have been so simple then.
But now i am left to look at my children and the hurt he has caused them. I am left to wonder how it will hurt them tomorrow or next week, next year, or 5 years down the line. How will all this effect them. Not just me, not just my heart, but the heart and lives of my babies. There is no protecting them from it. And all i want to do is cry at the possibily that my love for them will never be enough to protect them. I am so sad tonight. I am so hurt. :(