Ive lost some friends ...

well more like I lost some "friends". Situations are shameful. I have been technically single for about 3 months ... has it been that long. Several .. well a few guys couple girls have wanted to date. No biggie except that Im not ready. I have been honest from day 1. I dont have the energy for someone new. I dont have the heart to be open for something new. I dont have the mentality. I know Im not ready to open myself up for the pain, arguements, fights, drama, that comes with relationships. Is it wrong to see only the down side of love? I know there are good times, great memories to be made but i just wouldnt be able to handle more heart break. I tell them from day one. They each have said they understand. They are not in a hurry and will give me time to think things through. No rush. Well until now. And not in a rush for love, but at least to start sleeping with each other. There is only one person that I have made that move with and I know I am not ready for anyone else. I have decided that I needed to force myself to do things right this time. Date, dinner, movies, then maybe after a few dates maybe ... repeat maybe start heating things up. Its not working out so well. I have been "dumped" by two people that have said they would wait. Apparently if there isnt sex there isnt any reason to stick around. I have seen the truth about them. About myself.
I want something different, something new, something fresh. Is there anyone out there like that?

I have had my eyes open to the realism of P. Should I be shocked? Hell no. I should know that there was always more to the story. And now im heart broken by the truth of what he is. Who he was. Forgive 7hundred times 7 hundred and seventy seven times. How can I forgive him anymore than I have? I dont have it in me any longer and all i want to do is scream!! or cry.