Lesbiens night out ..

woohoo .. a new night of true fun compared to the ol' "girls night out".
My old roommate (a sexually curios chica) called me up that her and a few of her friends are headed for a girls night out this weekend. she is part of a swingers group and may or may not be including the girls from that group. Though she is in this swingers group rumor has it that she has yet to experience anything more that kissing and fondling with another chic. i invited two friends of mine that are strickly straight. They love the cock and dont fool around with anything but men. they both asked the sexuality of the girls that we all will be parting with. I am thinking "is it important?" I didnt believe it was unless the girls are planning on getting laid at the end of the night. The party will be starting at a gay club .. and i was told the reason was that the drinks were really cheap there on the weekends and then we would take the party to either a pool hall or a strip club. Decisions decisions...
Well from what i found out .. two girls are bi .. another is straight but very sexually free .. and has no problem messing around with another chic just for fun. I am bi and my two friends are straight ... there are 2 or 3 more girls that we are not sure of ... but are defined as sexually "accepting". (not sure what that means.)
I was told that everyone was excited that i said i would join them .. and according to one girl who is doing everything she possibly can to make sure i am there (offering me rides and making sure that i have money or its all on her) .. its because she heard i was a blast to party with ..
ummm.. wonder what she heard and from whom .. i didnt know that i knew this girl ..
So what should i expect? at least i know for sure a few of the chics are completely hot and sexually free .. and that makes it all worth it.

Black. White.

Love that show. It proves how much ignorance is in this world. last nights show did have me thinking a bit though. The show was mostly about how Nicks views on how the word "nigga" or "nigger" didnt effect him. he said it around his friends and told the white kids that he didnt care if they used it around him. to me it showed the lack of power that word has on today children. The lack of power? Is that a good thing or not? with biracial children, bi racial relationships, and multi cultural influences in todays world, can people finally be getting past race and color?
His parents didnt agree that it was okay. And yet in last weeks episode his own mother called him a "negro". the arguement .. its okay to say it to each other because they understand each others struggles but its not okay to have people of other races say it to you or around you because its disrespectful.
I began to think how other races treat each other and if they had the same type of controversial words that they use with in their groups but would not allow others to use the same words.
Personally, the word "rucca" is the most offensive word anyone can call me. it could simply mean "lady, woman, or girlfriend". As in "mi rucca" = "my lady" it can also mean bitch .. "my bitch" i hate the word. I dont care who uses it .. but more offensively if a hispanic man uses it. I always correct a person when they say it .. whether they mean it as "my bitch" or "my lady" because it could be taken as offensive. What makes it worse is, that as offensive as i find that word .. noone from any other race but my own would use it. Should i give up some slack simply because it is someone from my race using it. No i think that i should be harder on them because they are of my race and should not disrespect me in such a manner.
Other offensive words: Spic in the mexican culture .. Cracker in the white culture ... Sand nigger in the mid-eastern culture.. (i know mid-eastern is not a culture but you know what i mean)
its disrespectful to those people, that culture, and or race. Its disrespectful no matter who uses those words. I have yet to see a group of mexicans greet each other with "orale spic --como esta?" or " your my spic,, brother ... " or a group of white people "heyya cracker -- whats up?"
When mexicans show each other respect or hold each other close to there hearts .. they use hermano, "my brother" not just in blood relation but in a connection that cannot be broken. That is a sign of respect to them. Not Spic, not mojado, not wetback. But hermano. Mexicans would find those words disrespectful to them, their family, and their culture no matter who uses it and definately would not use it themselves or to each other.
If the african-american people find the word "nigger" "nigga" "negro" to be so disrespectful why is it acceptable to be used within or by other african americans groups.
I will never understand that....
but then i am one of the ignorant americans in today's society.

Some People just make me sick!!

Situation: I

My perception is MY TRUTH

Two men sitting on opposite sides of the table are asked to tell their side of the story... and facts only facts are wanted. A bunny is placed in the center of the table, turns and runs north. First man says the bunny is placed in the center of the table turned left and ran off the table .. second man says the bunny is placed in the center of the table turned right and ran off the table.... Who is right? Perception is truth.

To all those who seek truth, facts and only facts, must be open to the idea of perception. 72 degree weather may be warm when temps are rising from a freezing night and yet 72 degree will be cool when the temps are dropping from a record breaking heat.

People, oh my people, stop trying to convince me to accept your truth as my own. I am an adult! with the ability to judge events accordingly. I am able to see, touch ,taste, and FEEL everything around me. Accept who I am and where i come from. Accept that my past is MY PAST. Nothing you say will make it different in my head. i dont care if you saw things differently and our views are not the same. Yes we come from the same state, city, neighborhood, and even the same family. Your perception of our childhood is not and will not be the same as mine. View your parents as you wish .. that is your truth. I will not argue your view, i will not try to convince you otherwise. Understand that even under the same roof, my view of our parents are different. You chose to run to dad for refuge .. he is your hero .. not mine........ he is still the man who left a woman with 4 children to raise.. i the youngest, yet not born. your views of him i will respect .. but they will never be my views. Respect that.

Situation: II

all women are bitches:

all men are assholes.

get use to it.

if you have yet to be a bitch, you will be one before you die... if you have yet to be an asshole, you too will be one before you die.

some situations ask for you to be a bitch or an asshole and you will not resolve the problem without accepting that role.

To: Xgfriend: get over it.. he left you .. you've been broken up for almost 2 yrs. Stop harrassing him. Your desperate pleas are simply our friday night entertainment. okay he is kinky ... promising to try new things is not working. dont arrange threesome with him, you along with another girl just to try and get him back. Dont get yourself into these situations hoping he will come back to you .. (yes we have heard about it all) he doesnt want you. stop holding his things hostage. it was weak of you to offer your "help" while he was in iraq fighting for this country .. offereing to keep his things safe while he was at war. now you wont give them back .. all because he wont take you along with his 20 inch color t.v.? oh, and please tell me contacting his folks trying to find him was just a rumor? really? did you sink so low as to cry to his mother? 2 damn fucking years .. let him go .. give him back his shit .. and move on!! oh and the whole calling him to remind him of what an asshole he is .. not helping .. if he is such a jack ass .. why do you want him back? and .. by the way driving around town till you found what hotel he was staying just because you heard he was in town .. all night? that is insane. (now it kept us laughing for a while.. but we voted and we decided that you should be committed)

To: R: really .. still answering her pages? phone calls? emails? still listening to her bitch about how horrible you were... how terrible you are .. and how messed up you left her...

does all that bitching improve your self esteem? really? do you still want to try to be friends. she has called you names.. she has held your things hostage .. she contacted your folks... who live in a different state ... to find you .. are you serious? change your damn number ... i know you've already done that .. three times ... next time stop trying to be nice .. and dont give it to her. She is making me sick with her insanity. allowing her to even say one word to you is not helping her. she needs a slap of reality... please grow a pair and tell her your done .. and mean it .. let her know that you have a new gfriend. nothing is worth this .. no matter how much your things cost .. trust me .. you will never see them again ... no matter how many times she promises to give them back to you .. there will always .. i repeat ALWAYS be a reason why she cant give them to you. your things are all that she has. Your things are the last string she has connecting her to you ... as long as she has your things and you still want them .. she has reason to keep harrassing you and acting crazy.

just make peace with it .. and move on. i know you dont want to be mean .. you are trying to be nice .. trying to be considerate .. but its not helping her ... some situations call for you to be an asshole... this is one of those times.

Situation: III

whew!!!!!

im done ranting .. i'll be nicer in person ..

but right now .. i just had to say it ..

its out .. out of my chest .. out of my mouth ...

off my breathe and into the world ..

where my words land .. noone will ever know.

T.B.T.U!!!!!

Tonight belongs to us!!!

So yesturday after work, i met up with R and his folks. Sure enough gfriend wasnt there. We went to eat mexican food .. being from Virginia they really wanted the taste of south texas. Not the restaurant that i would have picked but oh well, It was good. My cousin had also wanted to meet up last night so i figured it was good to be going early, then i would still have time to spend with her. A has also been trying to find some free time to come over since i had not seen him in a while, at least not by ourselves. So i figured i had the night planned. Dinner with R should be over around 730 or 8 the latest.... Dessert with cousin should be done by 9 or 930 .. that would still be early enough to get together with A. So on my way to dinner A calls that he just has to work on a friends jeep and then he would be over... cool .. plans sound pretty good so far... dinner lasted till 930. Coversation was amazing and the folks are pretty laid back. Time just flew... well around that time cousin is pretty anxious .. so i call it a night with them and head to IHOP. I call A on the way and he told me that things werent as simple as he thought and was taking more time than he had hoped for . I told him that i was on my way to IHOP and he said good .. he should be able to meet up with me soon. As i was getting close to wrapping things up at IHOP C and cowboy kid call that they are on their way to join us. It was almost 11 by then .. 20 minutes later i was done and cousin was done so we went ahead and started to leave. C calls me up to make sure im still there .. he was just pulling into the parking lot. So there i was talking to him for a while. i figured it just wasnt the night to be with A. I was actually looking forward to it. 20 minutes later we said our goodbyes.......... i went and dropped off cousin and headed home .. it was almost midnight .. there is no way hes coming over that late. We both have to work in the morning. So i get home and call him up just to see what he was doing. He quickly said .. "oh wait .. be right there .. bye " and hangs up. i didnt know what to think. He called back a few minutes later and told me that he just got a moment to breathe .. and he was on his way. i was glad to hear it .. midnight and i too just had a chance to breathe... hadnt been home since i left to work at 7 am .. and 17 hours later... the night belong to us.

he walked in the door and i felt the day just leave me .. we talked for almost an hour laying back on the couch holding hands with the tv going on in the back ground.... i love to hear him talk .. the way he gets excited about life and work .. and fishing.. its amazing how the day rushed about me and in an instant all is calm and beautiful again. he told me that he missed these moments with me and that is why he made sure to come over last night, even if it was after midnight. It amazes me .. we have been friends for 2 years.. never once had i thought about loving him and yet the love is there .. it only became clear to me last night. I can only hope that our friendship will last a long time. the night ended with us falling asleep in each others arms .. and this morning started the same way ... It was great.

Meeting the fockers....

actually just R's parents. which i think is a little odd since we are just friends. His parents are from Virginia or something .. and he is stationed in SA. they came down while he is recovering. and he decided that he wanted them to meet me so they headed down. I wonder if gfriend is going to be there as well. last i knew she was going to be working.

Cowboy kid came to town last night .. of coarse my friend was with him so i didnt get any alone time with him. then C my friend started acting like a jack ass so i told them to leave. Im not sure why he was acting up but i figured it didnt matter that much.
Cowboy kid just kinda laid back and kept his mouth closed .. he looked as confused about C's behavior as i was. but he left without complaint as well.

then i spent about 20 minutes on the gazelle and showered and went to bed. that was an eventful evening.

My dirty little secret......

I AM CATHOLIC!!! Yup that's my secret. Shocking? Well it seems to be for most people who know me. Not so much that i am Catholic .. but i am a practicing Catholic. Yes, i said practicing. I go to church every week. I also sing in the choir. I go to bible studies and fellowship on Mondays, choir practice on wednesday and mass every Sunday. I have attended the real life, and numerous classes offered at the church. I read the bible almost daily and i pray every morning and every night. That little bit of information has led me to the most interesting conversations lately. Three topics with three different people came up that i just have to rant about ..
1.) Hypocrisy in the catholic church. it was told to me that its people like me that keep others from attending church. My friends friend feels that he just doesnt want to be surrounded by liars and hypocrites acting all holy on Sunday and then sinners the rest of the week. First off .. i have never EVER lied about my addictions or my faults. Yes!! I drink! I smoke! I have sex! I go to strip clubs for fun! I'm an addict! I go to church because i need it. I sing in the choir because if i didnt it would be so easy to make excuses not to go. If i didnt have the commitment to the choir it would be easy for me to fall away from the church. I need the church .. i need the strenth of the One who created me. Could you imagine what i would be if i didnt believe in God. If i led my life without any conscience? this led to
2.) Get out of Jail Free --- apparently some people (so i have been told that my religion is the best one to follow for this reason) believe that catholics can live their lives any way that they choose and simply go to confession and **boom** all is clean and forgiven. My friend believes that is the reason so many people follow the catholic faith. he is not catholic nor is he religious. he has never studied the catholic faith and for this reason i could not explain to him my thoughts and feelings on confessions (and make sense to him). Confession is not a get out of Hell free card. We are still responsible for living a grace like life and choosing what is right. I know i have done wrong, i know that i am responsible for choosing right. I know that i will be held accountable for all that i have done and will choose to do. Do i go to confession? Yes! Do i confess all my sins? Yes! I confess ............................
3.) Do you confess everything knowing that you will do it again? (i was faced with that question and actually had to take some time to think of a response) Yes! i do .. when i confess, in my heart i truly want to give up my worldly addictions. i truly want to become a better christian and a more faithful follower. I confess in hopes that i will win the battle against sin. (logically i know that i am human and prone to fail.. but with God by my side, i pray that i wont hit rock bottom everytime.)
So there it is .. my thoughts .... my feelings .. well at least on this topic.
This is me .. a catholic by baptism.. christian by faith. sinner by nature. Its been 9 days since i have been with anyone... Never have i gone that long. (Well except last lent and the lent before.) I dont ever give up sex for lent... i accidently give it up. Meaning i dont get into chat rooms... i dont go to bars... or clubs... i only hang out with close friends and relatives (i am aware that when i get together with certain friends that i will fall) .. its been a tough 9 days ..My intention for this lent was to give up sugar and regulate a diet in order to move towards a healthier life style. Woohoo... its been an entertaining week so far. i think i am feinding for sugar and sex.
Can'teven turn to chocolate for relief.
Oh well.........

Mondays suck...

its back to work .. oh what fun. i am starting to believe that if you start scanning the classifieds only 5 minutes after clocking in, it might be time not just look for a new job but actually get a new job. My job is easy ... it pays decently and i only work monday through friday. its very hard to find a job that will offer that type of schedule to you. Which leads me to the cylce of non-educated workers (non educated?? no, i am educated, just without a degree). This really drives me crazy ...
for the last two years i have struggled to find the time and the money to go to school. In order to find a better job i need to become better educated and get a degree. I get a little more than min. wage which means i (as a single female with no kids) make too much money to get financial help. I have been told however that if i quit my job i could gt the money to pay for school. (that is not an option... who will pay my rent and bills?) option two ... children .. if i had a child i would qualify for finacial help which would pay for my school and lead to a degree. I am not dumb enough to think that i can afford a child with what i make now .. that is why i want to go to school and get a degree in order to find a better job and make more money to support a family ...
vicious cycle.................... and as i said struggling for the last two years ... when i do have the money to go to school, i then have to fight my boss to get the time off in order to make it to class. Scheduling class around my lunch break really takes a toll. The last semester i went to school, i also had a lab which required 350 hours of kitchen time. since i dont currently work in a kitchen i then had to find a second job to juggle in with my current schedule. which looked something like this .... my day started at 3:00 am........
3:00 am to 9:00 am worked in a bakery ... (time to make the donuts)
9:30 to 1:30 class between two campuses which meant driving around town
2:30 to 11:00 work ... woohoo ... oh and a one hour class at 530 to 630 that i had to take during my lunch break... rush off to school and back in the middle of all the traffic and not be late to either class or my job.
then start all over at 3:00
and of coarse had to find the time to go out with friends and party .. which was between midnight and 2
Then because i worked at a place that had rotating schedules i could only work my second job for 4 weeks .. cause then it was time to go to graveyards at my 1st job.
so now .. i have a job that doesnt rotate .. unfortunately all the classes i need to complete my degree are only offered in the mornings and every other semester .. so i am stuck till next spring to figure out what classes i might be able to take ..
i need a new job .. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyhow .. so this weekend was pretty calm. no real partying and not too many visitors. I was still getting over my allergies and was resting most of the days. R was still recovering from his surgery so he didnt make it down to visit. A went camping and didnt call me till he was completely drunk off his ass. Drunk people arent that much fun to hang with when your still sober so i told him to call me back Monday. P is still in AL working his ass off .. he apparently is having a terrible time and misses texas. L has decided to prove once again that he is an asshole .. we already knew that .. why must he keep proving it .. oh well ..
someone finally moved in to the apt above mine... i think that they must be on a bowling team .. at least from what i can tell ... there is always a loud thump and what sounds like a ball rolling across the floor... oh and a child .. and a dog ..
now that is fun .. waking up to the sounds of crying and barking ...
i believe that is the reason that man invented drugs .. haha .. a couple of tokes just to calm the nerves ..

Its Friday night ..

damn and i just dont feel up to going out .. A is headed to gardner state park to camp out and my allergies are still kicking my ass. So now i am sitting at home watching HITCH ..,. its a funny movie but not intersting right now. what to do what to do .. its a terrible thing when i want to do something and my body just says no...

R is recovering up in SA so he wont be visiting any time soon.
Oh well .. left to entertain myself .. i think i can do it ...
but for now i am headed to bed ........................... fun fun .................

drugs drugs ... more drugs....

okay .. im talking about nyquil and dayquil .. or even tylonal cool burst. I woke up with extream allergies and they wont give me a break. My nose is stuffy ..no wait ,... runny .. no stuffy .. i think my nose is just playing games with me. My throat hurts .. and my eyes wont stop tearing up. and my voice has now dropped to a tenor. yeah!!!! i still have to work .. no personal days to take .. someone got fired and my supervisor was out on leave. fun fun .. i have to work ..
luckily i dont do much at work. no one can understand me with my new voice and every once and awhile my ears get stuffed so i cant hear.

i havent done anything but lay here at home .. so no intesting stories to pass along. A came over last night .. he brought his friends. It was entertaining .. but didnt get to talk to him much .. his friends actually talk more than he does .. that is pretty amazing in itself.

i think i am gonna head for bed .. nyquil is calling my name ..

Blonde Hotties

This weekend was great. Very entertaining. Saturday P called up that he wanted to see me before he left out of state. He took a job working in AL and wont be home for at least 2 weeks. He came over and we talked then we fucked around. It was fun but cut short since he had to catch at plane. After that i headed for dinner with R and gfriend. Dinner was great, especially with the drinks. Gfriend wasnt feeling to good so she went home and me and R along with other friends headed out to cheetas. Now that is such a great place. Hot dancers and very friendly as well.I had a few lap dances and ended up hooking it up with another customer that was there. She was super hot blonde and beautiful. Too bad i had way too much to drink and the night was called short. Sunday i got together with other friends and headed out to the beach. One of the guys i met there was very cute. He could be the next marlboro man. Cowboy with a tight shirt tight jeans and all the right muscles. It was an amazing day. Had to call that one short as well, had to sober up before monday morning. Work is keeping me busy and now i am being lazy, watchin reruns on TBS.

time .. time.. time..

sometimes it seems that there is just not enough time to do things. I am constantly busy .. yet i dont ever get any thing done.. or i am in such a rush that i dont get things done correctly. Even at work .. i spend 8 hours a day here every day and yet sometimes it seems like a long day and sometimes time just passes by. Today was a LONG day ... the only thing keeping me going is text messaging . Its such a good way to pass the time ..
P sent me a text message .. apparently he is leaving to work out of town .. i havent seen him in a while maybe three or so weeks.. but he felt that he should at least tell me that he will be gone. Two weeks at a time. I think he is going to come over and spend his last night with me. Fun fun .. he is really looking forward to it .. at least that is what he told me. I am looking forward to it as well .. he is really fun to play with and always up to try new things.
Saturday i am suppose to go to dinner and then strip club hopping with R and gfriend. That should lead to an intersting night as well... there is a dancer at one of the clubs that i am in complete lust with .. i hope she is working .. it will be great.
Other than that .. nothing else going on .. both L and A are suppose to call me on Sunday to sewe what is up.... L wants to go play pool or go drinking .. A wants to have dinner and watch TV...
it should be fun either way .. and who ever i dont see on Sunday i will see on Tuesday or Monday ..

why buy the cow??

When you know that cows a ho? well my friend told me that saying the other day and it still makes me laugh. i guess a new spin to an old saying opens the ears to a new crowd. Plus it just seems so much harsher than before .. monday i had my little "date" with A.. it was pretty fun. went out to eat mexican food then when we got back home watched the L word.. his idea .. but he thought it was something different. He didnt want to complain since he picked it out. It was fun.. and then bed time and the night was alot of fun. In the morning he set his alarm early so we could cuddle before he had to rush off to work .. aww.. how sweet .... i really hate cuddling .
but i do it for him .. then he rushes off to work and i go back to bed.
This weekend seems pretty promising .. L is suppose to come by and give me a three tier massage .. feet, back, and . umm.. well you know...the me, R and gfriend are suppose to go to cheetas .. and well take things from there .. we might end up back at his hotel entertaining each other.