Facing the Roach....
So Friday night came and my brother asked to take him to wal-mart. Sure, why not. I had nothing else planned at the moment and was in need to buy birthday gifts for about 4 people. Including a watch for my mom. So off we went. To the toy section to buy gifts for my nephew. After about an hour I realized that this quick trip to the store was more than I expected. I decide to head off to look at watches and catch up with brother later. I started seaching the display cases and realizing there was nothing of interst. As I made my way around the case I felt it. A chill down my spine. I looked up and across the counter, I saw him. My roach. He stood there looking at watches, I couldnt breathe. He --- is my ex from 9 years ago.
It started as a great relationship. We met when i was 18, dated, fell in love, and became engaged. He even went to church, made his confirmation and communion in order to have the church wedding of my dreams. I didnt ask him for it, he did it because he loved me. The plan was to wait till I turned 21 to be married, and I would live at home until we joined as man and wife. A few months after I turned 20 we came across a house we could not pass up. Two bedrooms, great neighborhood and only $250 a month. That rate is completely unheard of. After thinking about our options, we decided to go ahead and move in together. It was great. For about 24 hours. After I was moved in, he quit his job. I was now responsible for paying the rent, bills, and getting food on the table. He became jealous of everything I did. He hated the fact that I worked with men, calling me at least 20 times a day. If he did have a job he would make sure he was able to take his breaks around my work schedule in order to take me to work leaving me without my own car. (jobs like that dont last long) At night he would drink till he passed out leaving me with out a ride home at 2 and 3 in the morning. Then he started beating me. For no reason at all. Or was it for every reason he could think of. Spending too much time with my family, going to do laundry without him to watch over me. Talking to guys, laughing while i was on the phone with him. It was a nightmare. Once i got beat because i thought that i was pregnant. Thank God i wasnt. After the beatings came the rape. I worked an 18 hour day and was tired, he was drunk. he pulled a box cutter and pushed it into my throat. I dont know what kept me there, pride was part of it. I didnt want to admit to myself that i had made such a mistake. I thought it would get better. It never did. I finally found the courage to leave 2 months before my 21st birthday. It was made even harder when he called the cops on me to keep me from moving out. I wasnt allowed in the house to remove my things. Then came the stalking. He waiting outside my work. He waited outside my house. He slashed my tires, my brothers tires, and my mothers tires. He kicked my pregnant dog until it was too late to save her. She died the next day. I was in a car accident and couldnt drive. I had a friend take me to work. Oddly enough the next morning i woke up to all the windows in my rental car broken and so were the windows of his car.
When i was finally out, i would pray that he find happiness, something to keep him from thinking of me. I prayed that i would never see his face again. The prayer was answered for 9 years. But now ... here he was. only 5 feet from me. I couldn't breathe. I stepped away from the case in hopes that he wouldnt see me. He didnt. But at that moment i fought off an axiety attact. I became paranoid. Looking over my back at every turn. My brother said my skin was pale, and looked sick. I couldnt talk to explain. It was my worst moment,
Facing my roaches.
It started as a great relationship. We met when i was 18, dated, fell in love, and became engaged. He even went to church, made his confirmation and communion in order to have the church wedding of my dreams. I didnt ask him for it, he did it because he loved me. The plan was to wait till I turned 21 to be married, and I would live at home until we joined as man and wife. A few months after I turned 20 we came across a house we could not pass up. Two bedrooms, great neighborhood and only $250 a month. That rate is completely unheard of. After thinking about our options, we decided to go ahead and move in together. It was great. For about 24 hours. After I was moved in, he quit his job. I was now responsible for paying the rent, bills, and getting food on the table. He became jealous of everything I did. He hated the fact that I worked with men, calling me at least 20 times a day. If he did have a job he would make sure he was able to take his breaks around my work schedule in order to take me to work leaving me without my own car. (jobs like that dont last long) At night he would drink till he passed out leaving me with out a ride home at 2 and 3 in the morning. Then he started beating me. For no reason at all. Or was it for every reason he could think of. Spending too much time with my family, going to do laundry without him to watch over me. Talking to guys, laughing while i was on the phone with him. It was a nightmare. Once i got beat because i thought that i was pregnant. Thank God i wasnt. After the beatings came the rape. I worked an 18 hour day and was tired, he was drunk. he pulled a box cutter and pushed it into my throat. I dont know what kept me there, pride was part of it. I didnt want to admit to myself that i had made such a mistake. I thought it would get better. It never did. I finally found the courage to leave 2 months before my 21st birthday. It was made even harder when he called the cops on me to keep me from moving out. I wasnt allowed in the house to remove my things. Then came the stalking. He waiting outside my work. He waited outside my house. He slashed my tires, my brothers tires, and my mothers tires. He kicked my pregnant dog until it was too late to save her. She died the next day. I was in a car accident and couldnt drive. I had a friend take me to work. Oddly enough the next morning i woke up to all the windows in my rental car broken and so were the windows of his car.
When i was finally out, i would pray that he find happiness, something to keep him from thinking of me. I prayed that i would never see his face again. The prayer was answered for 9 years. But now ... here he was. only 5 feet from me. I couldn't breathe. I stepped away from the case in hopes that he wouldnt see me. He didnt. But at that moment i fought off an axiety attact. I became paranoid. Looking over my back at every turn. My brother said my skin was pale, and looked sick. I couldnt talk to explain. It was my worst moment,
Facing my roaches.
posted by mekayla | 10:14 AM
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