Boo!

So I got off graveyard shift and took my daughter to school. Had to stay up so I can go to the attorney generals office at 9. Figured I'd kill an hour and check my mail see what was going on in the yahoo world. It was all good until i got a message.. heyya stranger. Yea one of my old "buddies". Havent spoken to him since i was pregnant with my daughter .. about 2 years. "Not much" i replied "just trying to kill time". "how bout a blow job"? he ask. .. "eh no thanks i still dont have a cock .. sorry
but im sure i can find a guy for you" .. .ha ha ha .. not really what he meant .. i already knew that ..
so he goes into how much he thinks about me and my umm talents .. and really misses them. Yea yea yea ... ive heard it before ..
He ask about a friend of mine that 3somed with us before .. asked if we still played around with each other cause he would love to watch. "oh i bet you would" i say .. but no schedules dont really allow us any play time ...
"are you still trying to be a good girl" he ask .. "lol lol"
umm.. not really trying but i guess i have been good .. loyal to P to a point...
he offered to take care of my needs when ever i need it ..
im horny as hell .. really need release .. its all i can think of .. it controls my day .. i think about being touched being kissed .. getting my pussy eaten out .. and getting a nice cock to slam into me till i cum! i need it .. i want it ..

But not with him
and when i think about it .. i can no longer see myself with anyone but P
I think i love him .. and in love with him .. and even through all the shit .. all the fucked up shit that has happened in the last year .. i need him
not the way its been but the way it was .. before the pressure before the expectations .. before all the shit
and i can only see myself with him .. and right now i only want him .. noone else ..
and then i realize this is when it starts .. this is how it starts ..
If i cant have him .. i might as well just fuck around because everyone else is just a fuck either way .... right?
I didnt do it .. i dont want to .. I NEED TO .. but i dont want to do it with him ..
The only one i want to please and to please me is P.
Thats it .. hes my one and only right now .. except we are no longer together ..
BOO!
where do i end up from here .. fucking everyone that passes me by? the way it was before?